by Heather B. Armstrong
The subtitle says it all: How I Had a Baby, A Breakdown and A Much-Needed Margarita.
I will confess: I read her blog. It's on the list of blogs that I read every morning when I get to work (when, in all reality, I should really be starting my WORK!). I ended up at her blog after reading about her on other people's blogs and finding that she was both admired and hated by a good number of people in the blogging community. And I have to say that, while not my favorite blog out there, I do continue to read her and she doesn't elicit strong emotions from me one way or the other. I find her amusing and her pictures are fabulous.
So I expected her book to be much of the same stuff I've been reading from her for the last year or so. Or at least, I expected a long look into the drama of postpartum depression and her "hospitalization" for such. But it didn't really seem to be that way. It was almost like she was trying to play down the depression and hospitalization, which was not at all how I had perceived her personality. And not why I wanted to read the book.
She spent a lot of time discussing common baby stuff that anyone who has had a child can recognize. I failed to see how her situation or experience was unique. Babies need attention, don't sleep well, and sometimes don't eat right. Most parents will nod and say "Yeah, been there" with most of the stuff she described. I would like to have known more about the depression that led her to check herself into a mental hospital. All she really says is that she cried, made her husband came home from work early and had a habit of throwing things at his head. And of her hospitalization? She claims to have gotten her medication squared away and slept for most of her 4 days in residence. Not really the "here-I-am-in-your-face" stuff I had come to expect from her.
Friday, May 29, 2009
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Don't You Forget About Me
by Jancee Dunn
At thirty-eight, Lillian Curtis thinks she has a great life: great husband, fantastic job, wonderful apartment. Until she comes home one day to hear her husband say he wants a divorce. Distraught, she heads home to her parents, returning to her bedroom that has stayed the same since her high-school days. And with her 20-year high-school reunion looming, Lillian finds herself with a chance to find out - What if her high-school boyfriend was the one?
Having just come off a 20-year high-school reunion, this book said out loud a lot of the things I had been thinking at that time. I especially liked the realization that back with our high-school friends, we revert to our high-school roles. The popular kids are still popular, the smart kids are still smart, the jocks are still jocky, and the rest of us still don't know where we stand with all of them. Why isn't it possible, after 20 years, to see them as they are now, as opposed to who we knew them to be back then? If you met these people today for the first time, would they be your friends? What were the people who are your friends today like in high school? Would that have made a difference?
Lillian's friend Dawn seemed the most aware of these issues. She tells Lillian at one point that she spent a lot of time getting over high school and likes who she is today. Seeing Lillian and all the other people from high school brought her right back to those days and she didn't like it one bit. I can understand that emotion. I've never been a "high school was the greatest time of my life" type of person. Who on earth would want to go back to that time - the insecurity, the lack of confidence, the judgemental audience we were faced with on a daily basis? The boys you crushed on that never looked twice at you?
Eventually, Lillian realizes that you can't go back. You can't pick up where you left off with your high-school boyfriend. Maybe the reason you don't talk to a lot of people you went to high school with is because you now have nothing to say to each other. Can you talk to those people as the person you are today without reverting to high school roles and attitudes? Do you want to? Or do you just want to show them how much better you are now than you were then? Are you still trying to impress those people and get in with the "in-crowd"? Do you want them to turn to you and say "Wow! I'm sorry we didn't see how fabulous you were then!" Because, let's face it, that's not going to happen. Because they are dealing with exactly the same thing. No one feels confident and secure in high school. And we're all just trying to recover from the nightmares that high school put in all of us.
And maybe sometimes, there's a reason those people are part of your past. So you can move on and make a future for yourself. Without all that baggage.
At thirty-eight, Lillian Curtis thinks she has a great life: great husband, fantastic job, wonderful apartment. Until she comes home one day to hear her husband say he wants a divorce. Distraught, she heads home to her parents, returning to her bedroom that has stayed the same since her high-school days. And with her 20-year high-school reunion looming, Lillian finds herself with a chance to find out - What if her high-school boyfriend was the one?
Having just come off a 20-year high-school reunion, this book said out loud a lot of the things I had been thinking at that time. I especially liked the realization that back with our high-school friends, we revert to our high-school roles. The popular kids are still popular, the smart kids are still smart, the jocks are still jocky, and the rest of us still don't know where we stand with all of them. Why isn't it possible, after 20 years, to see them as they are now, as opposed to who we knew them to be back then? If you met these people today for the first time, would they be your friends? What were the people who are your friends today like in high school? Would that have made a difference?
Lillian's friend Dawn seemed the most aware of these issues. She tells Lillian at one point that she spent a lot of time getting over high school and likes who she is today. Seeing Lillian and all the other people from high school brought her right back to those days and she didn't like it one bit. I can understand that emotion. I've never been a "high school was the greatest time of my life" type of person. Who on earth would want to go back to that time - the insecurity, the lack of confidence, the judgemental audience we were faced with on a daily basis? The boys you crushed on that never looked twice at you?
Eventually, Lillian realizes that you can't go back. You can't pick up where you left off with your high-school boyfriend. Maybe the reason you don't talk to a lot of people you went to high school with is because you now have nothing to say to each other. Can you talk to those people as the person you are today without reverting to high school roles and attitudes? Do you want to? Or do you just want to show them how much better you are now than you were then? Are you still trying to impress those people and get in with the "in-crowd"? Do you want them to turn to you and say "Wow! I'm sorry we didn't see how fabulous you were then!" Because, let's face it, that's not going to happen. Because they are dealing with exactly the same thing. No one feels confident and secure in high school. And we're all just trying to recover from the nightmares that high school put in all of us.
And maybe sometimes, there's a reason those people are part of your past. So you can move on and make a future for yourself. Without all that baggage.
Sunday, May 17, 2009
Daniel Isn't Talking
by Marti Leimbach
Melanie Marsh knows something isn't right with her son. As an American living in England, she has the perfect life: great husband, great daughter, and an adorable son. But as Daniel's behavior deteriorates, Melanie learns that Daniel has autism. And in dealing with Daniel's autism, Melanie discovers more about the people around her than she had expected.
For a book about a woman dealing with her son's autism, this book is less about autism than I expected. Using autism as a sort of background noise, I found that this book spoke to the classic theme of finding out who you can count on when the chips are down. Melanie's husband Stephen can't hack it and leaves. She spends a good portion of the story trying to get him back, only to find out that she doesn't really need him. I loved the part at the end of the book when Melanie tells Stephen, "If something had happened to you, Stephen, if something had happened to you instead of Daniel, I want you to know that I would have fought just as hard. And for as long as it took." And after a moment of thinking, she says "But I don't think you'd fight for me," It's that moment that Melanie realizes that she's capable of standing on her own. That she has been all along.
It's funny, isn't it, how the oftentimes, the person you think you NEED in your life, isn't that person at all? It reminds me of a somewhat dysfunctional relationship I was in at one point. I was so focused on getting this guy that I couldn't even see what he was really like. I would have gone to the ends of the earth for him, done anything he asked. I needed him in my life (for whatever reason!) and took all manner of crap from him in order to be with him. And then one day, I said "I'm not calling him today" and when he called me two days later, I said "I'm not calling him back" and like that he was gone from my life.
And I never missed him at all.
I like to think that maybe he realized what he lost. I like to think that he wished it hadn't gone that way. But the reality is, I don't think he did. He wasn't a bad guy, really. Like Melanie and Stephen, we were good together for a time. But on his terms. And when Melanie needed Stephen to be something for her, when the tables turned, Melanie discovered that he wasn't going to be able to be that someone. And she could move on and help her son.
Melanie Marsh knows something isn't right with her son. As an American living in England, she has the perfect life: great husband, great daughter, and an adorable son. But as Daniel's behavior deteriorates, Melanie learns that Daniel has autism. And in dealing with Daniel's autism, Melanie discovers more about the people around her than she had expected.
For a book about a woman dealing with her son's autism, this book is less about autism than I expected. Using autism as a sort of background noise, I found that this book spoke to the classic theme of finding out who you can count on when the chips are down. Melanie's husband Stephen can't hack it and leaves. She spends a good portion of the story trying to get him back, only to find out that she doesn't really need him. I loved the part at the end of the book when Melanie tells Stephen, "If something had happened to you, Stephen, if something had happened to you instead of Daniel, I want you to know that I would have fought just as hard. And for as long as it took." And after a moment of thinking, she says "But I don't think you'd fight for me," It's that moment that Melanie realizes that she's capable of standing on her own. That she has been all along.
It's funny, isn't it, how the oftentimes, the person you think you NEED in your life, isn't that person at all? It reminds me of a somewhat dysfunctional relationship I was in at one point. I was so focused on getting this guy that I couldn't even see what he was really like. I would have gone to the ends of the earth for him, done anything he asked. I needed him in my life (for whatever reason!) and took all manner of crap from him in order to be with him. And then one day, I said "I'm not calling him today" and when he called me two days later, I said "I'm not calling him back" and like that he was gone from my life.
And I never missed him at all.
I like to think that maybe he realized what he lost. I like to think that he wished it hadn't gone that way. But the reality is, I don't think he did. He wasn't a bad guy, really. Like Melanie and Stephen, we were good together for a time. But on his terms. And when Melanie needed Stephen to be something for her, when the tables turned, Melanie discovered that he wasn't going to be able to be that someone. And she could move on and help her son.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
The Condition
by Jennifer Haigh
The story of the McKotch family, from the time of the daughter Gwen's diagnosis with Turner's Syndrome to 20 years after. Each family member has secrets that they have kept, and as they come to realize the price of keeping those secrets, they see each other in a different light.
I thought this story would take a decidedly different track - in that I expected it to be the story of Gwen and her diagnosis and the affect it has on the whole family. What I found, however, was a story of a family, like any other family, where everyone has their own issues and the affect that that has on the family. By seeing each family member separately, it allowed me to see how they were together and understand each one.
But it made me think - how do the labels you adopt in childhood come to shape your entire life? If you are known in the family as the level-headed one, is that how you act, even if it isn't how you feel anymore? And what happens with someone like Gwen, who is the one who will never grow up, when she is ready to grow up? Even the mother Paulette continues in her role as the keeper of the family traditions, long after her parents are gone and her brother and sister have moved on. By continuing these roles into adulthood, are you doing what is expected of you, at the cost of letting your family see who you really are? The McKotches realize this eventually, but I suspect that many families never do.
The story of the McKotch family, from the time of the daughter Gwen's diagnosis with Turner's Syndrome to 20 years after. Each family member has secrets that they have kept, and as they come to realize the price of keeping those secrets, they see each other in a different light.
I thought this story would take a decidedly different track - in that I expected it to be the story of Gwen and her diagnosis and the affect it has on the whole family. What I found, however, was a story of a family, like any other family, where everyone has their own issues and the affect that that has on the family. By seeing each family member separately, it allowed me to see how they were together and understand each one.
But it made me think - how do the labels you adopt in childhood come to shape your entire life? If you are known in the family as the level-headed one, is that how you act, even if it isn't how you feel anymore? And what happens with someone like Gwen, who is the one who will never grow up, when she is ready to grow up? Even the mother Paulette continues in her role as the keeper of the family traditions, long after her parents are gone and her brother and sister have moved on. By continuing these roles into adulthood, are you doing what is expected of you, at the cost of letting your family see who you really are? The McKotches realize this eventually, but I suspect that many families never do.
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Thursday, May 7, 2009
More Than It Hurts You
by: Darin Strauss
When their baby is rushed to the hospital twice for an illness no one can identify, Dr. Darlene Stokes suspects baby Zack's mother, Dori, of Munchausen syndrome. Father Josh refuses to believe. As the legal wrangling unfolds, we get a glimpse into the lives of everyone involved: Dori and Josh, Darlene, Darlene's recently-released from prison father, the parents' lawyer, and even Zack.
Good book. I finished it last night. I started out wanting clear-cut black and white right and wrong. But as I read, it quickly became apparent that wasn't going to happen. Everyone was right and everyone was wrong. Is Dori hurting her baby? Has Dr. Stokes gone over the line? What is Josh's culpability in all of this? This is a book where you don't have the biggest question answered until the final page.
When their baby is rushed to the hospital twice for an illness no one can identify, Dr. Darlene Stokes suspects baby Zack's mother, Dori, of Munchausen syndrome. Father Josh refuses to believe. As the legal wrangling unfolds, we get a glimpse into the lives of everyone involved: Dori and Josh, Darlene, Darlene's recently-released from prison father, the parents' lawyer, and even Zack.
Good book. I finished it last night. I started out wanting clear-cut black and white right and wrong. But as I read, it quickly became apparent that wasn't going to happen. Everyone was right and everyone was wrong. Is Dori hurting her baby? Has Dr. Stokes gone over the line? What is Josh's culpability in all of this? This is a book where you don't have the biggest question answered until the final page.
Um, hi. I read a lot.
So I read a lot of books. Almost exclusively fiction. Occasionally, I've been known to read a biography or memoir. I keep a notepad in my purse where I write down books I've read about in magazines (usually Time or People) that I want to read. Yes, I am a nerd. But I also roam the stacks at the Kalamazoo Public Library and will bring home anything that seems interesting. Sometimes I find a dud. But mostly not.
I average about a book a week. Sometimes more, depending on the author and the time I have to read. On my yearly vacation to Wisconsin with my family and parents, I generally read a book a day. My kids are in sports, so I spend a lot of time waiting for practice or games to be over. Prime reading time there too.
I almost never quit a book before finishing. I used to never quit a book, over some displaced sense of guilt, but over the last few years I've found that there is no shame in deciding a book is not my cup of tea. That being said, it's probably only fair that I tell you that I have a terrible habit of reading the ending once I get about halfway through a book. But I will still finish the book. I'm trying to stop reading the ending before I get there, but it's tough. I can't wait to find out how it ends!
I get the majority of my books from the Kalamazoo Public Library. They are fabulous. If you live in Kalamazoo and don't go there, you're missing out. I will buy books at the Friends of the Library sale and garage sales. Thrift shops are great too. When I'm done, I donate them back to the thrift shop or pass them on to friends. The only exception is Stephen King. I buy all of his books in hardcover when they come out. Though I have not read his "Dark Tower" series. I should do that.
A few of my favorite authors include Stephen King, Janet Evanovich, James Patterson, and Jodi Piccoult. I have read all the Twilight books. I welcome recommendations.
I average about a book a week. Sometimes more, depending on the author and the time I have to read. On my yearly vacation to Wisconsin with my family and parents, I generally read a book a day. My kids are in sports, so I spend a lot of time waiting for practice or games to be over. Prime reading time there too.
I almost never quit a book before finishing. I used to never quit a book, over some displaced sense of guilt, but over the last few years I've found that there is no shame in deciding a book is not my cup of tea. That being said, it's probably only fair that I tell you that I have a terrible habit of reading the ending once I get about halfway through a book. But I will still finish the book. I'm trying to stop reading the ending before I get there, but it's tough. I can't wait to find out how it ends!
I get the majority of my books from the Kalamazoo Public Library. They are fabulous. If you live in Kalamazoo and don't go there, you're missing out. I will buy books at the Friends of the Library sale and garage sales. Thrift shops are great too. When I'm done, I donate them back to the thrift shop or pass them on to friends. The only exception is Stephen King. I buy all of his books in hardcover when they come out. Though I have not read his "Dark Tower" series. I should do that.
A few of my favorite authors include Stephen King, Janet Evanovich, James Patterson, and Jodi Piccoult. I have read all the Twilight books. I welcome recommendations.
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